Book 👏 Review 👏
Why not do a few book reviews, I've read some. A subset of that was good. This one I'm actually still currently reading so it'll be a partial review. This book is about negotiating.
There's a fantastic video on this topic by Speed if you can't be bothered reading: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xsxkjcn01E0.
I think negotiators like doctors and detectives are often mythologised or dramatised by entertainment writers. It's one of those jobs that everyone can care about and has an air of mystery to it. I remember watching the 1998 film The Negotiator and thinking it was the coolest thing ever. But of course, just as tech doesn't quite work the way it does in Ironman, negotiating in day to day life is quite different to yelling demands into helicopters. We do it all the time though. Tenants negotiate with their landlords, parents negotiated with their kids, coworkers negotiate the division of work. At least when I used to think about negotiating, I thought it was close to being a master hypnotist. You'd say a few words in certain ways and they'd completely yield to your demands. But this is simultaneously fantastical and not very realistic. Unless you are Bruce Almighty. And probably unethical too, if you could put people under your spell.
The core thesis of the book is, how can we work with the people we are negotiating with and attack the problem. You want to maximise the pie before you divide it. It sounds obvious when put this way but the book goes in depth with examples and historical precedents. For instance when Egypt and Israel negotiated a ceasefire, instead of negotiating back and forth a border, they reached the best outcome for both sides. By realising that Egypt just wants the land, and Israel just wants border security, Egypt got to keep the land and demilitarise it for the peace of mind of Israel.
Another core idea in the book is getting third parties or some sort of reference point to help the two parties reach a fair agreement. For instance, two people exchanging currencies can waste hours arguing back and forth on what the exchange rate should be, or they can just google the latest rates set by the large exchanges and banks in the world and use that as a reference.
Not all negotiations have happy endings. Sometimes, people just can't reach an agreement. Sometimes, the other party is just a jerk. You don't want a tenant that grows weed in your house (happened to my dad), or you don't want a landlord that evicts you with three weeks notice (happened to me). The best thing you can do with any negotiation is to be prepared to walk away. Have a few houses in mind, explore some alternative job offers, having lots of options is powerful. If you desperately needs something someone else has, which is what happens in blackmail, they've got you by the balls and you are pretty powerless and should be prepared to make a heavy loss.
The last part of the book is apparently how to deal with your "hard bully" negotiators like Donald Trump, but I haven't gotten to that part yet so I'll write this section later.